Rain
by eventidespirit
Summary: But the realization will soon hit that there’s something different…you’re different, and I will be changed as well, or maybe we both would have…and it won’t be the same anymore. introspective one shot RavBB


Rain

It is raining today, and that suits me well. I pull my cloak closer and my hood lower, so that my face is safely sheltered in shadow. Like this, I can finally become anonymous, just a nameless vagabond wandering through the streets.

You have gone away again-to see her; I have no doubt upon my mind about that. With an uncharacteristically solemn expression, you looked drearily out the window and utter, "I'm gonna go out for a bit." The wounds for you are still lucidly fresh, painful and stinging still, even now. We all hurt, we are all in pain, still angry and sorrowful, but you've been affected the most.

No one questions you as you head out into the rain. We all know…

You chuckled slightly, gaining back your usual composure as you head out the door. You don't want any of us to suspect…but we all know.

I still don't know whether to hate her or to just forgive and mourn. She almost ruined everything. She betrayed us; hurt us gravely. It could have been the end, yet she saved us all and that was her end.

Did she even deserve your care and affection? Does she still deserve it now, encased eternally in stone? Does she know how terrible the nights were for you right after she left? She almost made you change, into a bitter, hard person…and as much as I "hate" your jokes and pranks, I don't want to see you change. Ever.

It's a selfish wish on my part. Everyone has to mature, and you will, but for once, I'd like some stability. I want to be able to see you years later, happy and still the same cheerful prankster with perhaps a family you have grown to love, still the same as before…just older.

I'm not the caring type, and I don't think I'll ever be, but now, I wish that you had brought an umbrella. The rain is pouring down now. I've followed you before, as a shadow in the background, and I watch how you look at her and what you say to her. Does she even deserve your concern? Does she even deserve such loyalty? You visit her nearly everyday, a steadfast loyalty she never displayed to any of us-not even Slade.

I wish I could hate her. It would make things so much easier. To call you a fool…but I can't bring myself to hate her nor you. Certainly not you. She was our friend, in the beginning and in the end, and that's what matters right? The ending…books, people always skip to the end to see if the tale was worth reading…

I'm still angry and bitter, but I feel sadness for her as well. How misguided and directionless she was…I think I pity her. I pity her for not seeing the joy and companionship you and everyone else offered her. I pity her for never really feeling the joy of not being alone. I would give anything for a moment of freedom, away from this solitude. She had the ability to feel joy and freedom, and yet she shunned it all away. I'm not jealous…I pity her.

Why do my thoughts dwell on her? Simply because you dwell on her… She gave you a taste of love…mainly the pain that comes with it. I wish I could open up and tell you of all my thoughts, but I just shun you away, like everyone else, though you clearly aren't like anyone else I've known. Maybe I'll have the courage someday to talk…actually talk to you about the important matters, not just complaints about how you leave your toe nail clippings on the coffee table. Or maybe I just can't see that you're similar to everyone else because my emotions are getting in the way.

The loneliness is getting to me…making me grow soft. I continue walking forward. The streets are empty or mainly empty save for the few people rushing to get inside.

I think we have some sort of connection…whether it is deep or not, I can't tell now, but since you've entered my mind, it's remained there…embedded. I can't break it…I can't stop it. We're all friends now…but someday; it'll be vastly different. There won't be anymore "almost" moments then. Almost moments when we almost embark upon the truth from deep within…and speak without those impersonal layers that hold us back.

Someday, we'll separate, and drift apart. It is inevitable. We'll see each other though, but we will never be as close as before. It'll be a chance encounter on the street or in some store or some large public, impersonal event. You will probably be excited to see an old friend after all those years away, and I'll even venture to say that I'll be slightly eager yet nervous to see you again…anxiously awaiting to see if you've changed or stayed as you always were. And we'll probably have animated conversation for a while about what we've done, or been doing with a dash of the pleasant memories from the past (never the sad ones because we've grown too far apart to speak of those).

But the realization will soon hit that there's something different…you're different, and I will be changed as well, or maybe we both would have…and it won't be the same anymore. I will be able to bear it though. It was only logical and natural that something like change should happen. And despite what changes occur in the future, the memories will stay the same. I will always treasure the memories of what was and of what could have happened but did not.

For now, though, I'd just like to think of you, you right now and not some future self you will become. You have made me smile a few times, though you were always too busy to find a way to repeatedly make me keep that smile to notice. You were persistent to try to know me more, but that has changed after she came. It was bound to happen; yet it still strangely affected me. I want things to be the same again, before it all happened.

Why am I suddenly so inclined to despise change?

_Because, because you want some stability for once. _A small voice murmured within my mind. A good load that desire's doing for sure…it's making me all sentimental and weak. Both qualities of which I hate. Maybe it's the rain. Maybe it's the walking. Maybe it's the loneliness.

I should head back. I turn back towards the tower, and there you are.

As I suspected, you hadn't brought an umbrella. You are drenched. "Hey Raven. I've finally found you."

You were looking for me? Shouldn't you be at Terra's statue?

And it's as if you heard my words. "I was at Terra's statue…and of course I came looking for you after. You're my friend, Raven."

There are so many thoughts that I wish to voice at that moment. So many thoughts that have been held within for far too long…but I can say nothing except a terse "Thanks." But I think that is enough. You seem to understand.

I speed up to where you are and we walk side by side, through the rain. It feels like old times again, and I like that. Very much.

"Raven, I've always wondered this."

"Yeah?"

"Why do you hide from us…from me…?"

Maybe…just maybe, some things aren't meant to change.

_A.N.: Another one shot that kind of just wrote itself. Hm…I think this is the first completely BB/R I've done. Yea, it was kind of just Raven rambling on but I hope I did all right at my first shot at solely them from a more serious perspective. Reviews of any sort are welcome._


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